I’m not very happy. I haven’t been for a while. I feel so much weight in my chest. I feel like I’m alone, and I don’t want to feel like that. I am always sad. I don’t even know how to describe all that I’m feeling. Everyone keeps running and I’m trying so hard to catch up but I keep falling behind. Everyone is laughing and smiling and I can’t seem to see why they’re so happy. They have someone to talk to and I feel like I’m just a bother to people. Everyone is at least okay, and I’m struggling to stay up. I’m not okay. I can’t even seem to convince myself I am anymore. I feel like I’m just in this dark room, and I can’t seem to find the light anymore. I can’t seem to find joy anymore in much things. I don’t feel good enough for people. I hate seeing myself in the mirror. I cry every time I think of how alone I feel. I keep resisting the motivation to self-harm. I keep having some suicidal thoughts. I keep pushing people away. I am not okay, yet I want to believe I am. Maybe this is why I feel alone. Because maybe I am, because who would want to deal with all these thoughts constantly. I also feel like I’m not allowed to feel like this. That I have to keep up an act because nobody cares about me. I just feel like I’m just an item of use for people and they can discard me after they’re done. I feel like I shouldn’t be here because I’m not much use to this world.